Childhood Anxiety: How to Help Children Cope

All children get anxious, and some children are naturally more anxious than others. Occasional anxiety is a natural part of life.  

Quick Tips to Help an Anxious Child

1. Stay calm so that you don’t escalate their anxiety with your own.
2. Acknowledge and validate their feelings to reduce panic.
3. Use breathing techniques to help refocus their attention.
4. Do a mindfulness exercise to bring them back to the moment.
5. Offer them choices to help them feel in control.

What is the Difference between Normal Childhood Anxiety and a Child Anxiety Disorder?

Normal childhood anxiety is manageable and temporary. It’s usually age-appropriate and the level of anxiety is proportional to the situation. Importantly, normal childhood anxiety causes minimal disruption to daily life.   

What can cause a Child to Be Anxious?

Child anxiety is a problem when it disrupts their daily life and can harm their mental, emotional and physical well-being.  Anxiety symptoms linked to a child’s anxiety disorder can appear suddenly or gradually. An anxiety disorder can be due to family history, learned behaviours, stress, trauma or chemical imbalance. 

Common Situations That Trigger Anxiety in Children

• Separation from parents or caregivers, for example, school drop-offs. 
• Anxiety in class because they’re doing something new, or having to contribute or participate in a group project. 
• Social events such as birthday parties and playdates. 
• Peer stress, which could be linked to friendships, feeling judged, pressure to do something, bullying or being excluded. 
• Imagination, such as worrying about a monster under their bed. 

How do I know if My Child’s Anxiety is Serious?

• Persistent worrying and negative thoughts. 
• Sleep challenges include difficulty falling or staying asleep, restlessness, frequent nightmares or sleepwalking. 
• Physical symptoms like tummy and headaches. 
• Behavioural changes, such as social withdrawal or a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities. 
• Difficulty concentrating or staying engaged. 

How Do I Help My Child Cope with Anxiety?

Not every anti-anxiety strategy works for each child or in every situation. You’ll have to see what your child best responds to, and over tim,e you might need to adjust your anti-anxiety strategies. Supporting an anxious child starts with empathetic listening and providing reassurance. You’ll need to practise compassion and be patient when helping them to express feelings and thoughts. This will assist them in identifying emotions and implementing coping strategies for anxiety. 

Tools for Parents with Anxious Kids: What to Do when a Child is Anxious

You can decrease your child’s anxiety by teaching them to focus on the present moment. Research shows that teaching a child mindfulness helps with emotional regulation, improved focus and stress management. 

6 Practical Ways Parents Can Help an Anxious Child

1. Create a regular and structured daily routine.
2. Nurture a healthy lifestyle by encouraging exercise, ensuring they eat well-balanced meals, and helping them get enough sleep.
3. Teach them to recognise and manage anxious feelings and thoughts.
4. Use distraction techniques and reframe worries.
5. Help them write down what’s bugging them and then put it into a worry box.

How to Teach an Anxious Child Mindfulness:

1. 3-3-3 Technique: Ask them to spot three things around them, then three different sounds and finally move three different parts of their body. Doing this helps shift their focus from what’s bugging them and can potentially help bring them back to their senses and into the present moment. 
2. Body Scan: Get your child to lie down. You want to help them be more aware of their whole body and release tension. Start by getting them to gently tense their toes, then release them. Then move upwards to the next part of their body, continuing until ending with the top of their head. 
3. Mindful Walking: Go for a walk and chat to your child about what they’re seeing, hearing and smelling around them. If you can walk somewhere where they can walk barefoot, get them to also describe what their feet are feeling. 

3 Easy Deep Breathing Exercises for Children

1. Balloon Breathing: Get your child to pretend their tummy is a balloon that they inflate by breathing through their nose and deflate by breathing out. The aim is to see how big they can make their “balloon”. Have them repeat this process slowly, steadily and about five times. 
2. Flower and Bubble: Have your child pretend they have a flower in one hand and a bubble wand in the other. Then get them to inhale by smelling the flower and exhale by blowing bubbles. Remind them that if they do it slowly and steadily, they can imagine more smells and better bubbles. 
3. Bunny Breathing: Ask your child to pretend to be a bunny. How would a bunny sit? Now get them to twitch their noses in short sniffs, then exhale in a long breath through their mouths. Repeat until they’re feeling calmer. 

What to Say to Help an Anxious Child Calm Down

Child anxiety can make situations seem scarier than they are. Anxiety can cause a child to feel isolated and overwhelmed. Using supportive phrases, asking questions and calm communication can help your child process their feelings, calm an anxious child and reframe the situation. They can also help teach a child to manage their anxiety and build emotional resilience. 

5 Phrases to Say to an Anxious Child

1. I’m here, you’re safe. 
2. It’s okay to feel scared or to worry about something; let’s talk about it. 
3. Tell me about your worry. 
4. How big is your worry? 
5. What do you think can help you feel better? 
6. Tell me the story about your worry, and let’s find a new ending. 

“Reassurance and listening are key to helping an anxious child.”

What should I not do when My Child is Anxious?

Parents often try to be reassuring, but certain phrases can unintentionally make anxiety worse. Here are common mistakes to avoid: 

6 Phrases to Avoid Saying to an Anxious Child

1. Don’t worry.
2. It’s not a big deal. 
3. It’s all in your head. 
4. You’re imagining things. 
5. Stop thinking about it. 
6. Hurry up. 

When to Seek Professional Help for a Child’s Anxiety

If you suspect your child has an anxiety disorder, then a trained professional will need to confirm it. They will want to talk to them as well as yourself or any other primary caregivers.  The questions they ask will be to understand what triggers your child’s anxiety and fears. 

Seek Help for Anxiety if:

• Your child’s anxiety escalates. 
• They’re in a constant state of anxiety, or if it’s persistent (also known as chronic anxiety). 
• Their worry is out of proportion to the situation. 
• Reassuring them and self-help techniques aren’t working. 
• Their anxiousness affects their friendships, school work, family life or stops them from doing things they usually enjoy. 

Often, parents start by consulting their family General Practitioner (GP) or Paediatrician, who will advise on an effective anxiety treatment. Anxiety disorder treatments are unique to each child and usually are a multi-pronged approach. For example, it could involve implementing home strategies, seeing a therapist, gradual exposure to fears and/or medication 

It is possible for a child to grow out of their anxiety with reassurance and support. Other children need more specialist intervention. The important thing is that by acknowledging and helping your child with their anxiety, you are teaching them lifelong coping skills. Ones that will help them confidently face challenges, persevere when things get difficult and flourish. 

Dealing with Anxiety

Are you interested in helping children and parents with anxiety disorders? If so, enrol online to study at SACAP (The South African College of Applied Psychology). SACAP has been training students in Applied Psychology and Counselling since 1997. Students can choose from a range of full-time and part-time courses which are available on four campuses with in-person lectures or through online learning options. Alternatively, browse SACAP Global’s online short courses grounded in Applied Psychology. These everyday psychology courses are designed to upskill you for personal and professional development, for example, Counselling Children and Youth.