How to Improve Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI), often referred to as EQ, is the ability to perceive, interpret, manage and use emotions effectively. The reason why emotional intelligence matters is because it determines the quality of our relationships, leadership ability and workplace success. While its foundation is formed in childhood, emotional intelligence skills can be developed and learnt.  

In this article, we explore how to improve emotional intelligence and why EQ skills matter in relationships, leadership and everyday life. 

What is Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (EI) Theory was popularised by Daniel Goleman. According to Daniel Goleman, there are five components of emotional intelligence. Together they determine how someone recognises emotions, how emotions influence their behaviours, the ability to empathise, manage relationships, resolve conflict and achieve goals.  

Salovey and Mayer further unpack what emotional intelligence is as a set of four cognitive abilities: perceiving, using, understanding and managing emotions. 

What Are the 5 Components of Emotional Intelligence?

1. Self-awareness
2. Self-regulation
3. Empathy
4. Motivation
5. Social skills

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is a critical emotional intelligence skill as it’s the ability to recognise and understand your own and others’ emotions. Having good self-awareness means you are able to monitor your different emotional reactions and understand how they relate to your feelings. The result is that you are also aware of the impact your mood and actions have on others. 

2. Self-regulation

Being able to self-regulate means that you’re able to express your emotions in an appropriate and healthy way. Those who self-regulate well are usually conscientious and take responsibility for their own actions. They also tend to be able to work well under pressure and manage conflict better than those who aren’t good self-regulators. 

3. Empathy

Those who are empathetic can put themselves in someone else’s shoes to understand how they’re feeling or see things from their perspective. This means that they can correctly recognise and identify other people’s emotions and understand why they’re experiencing them. 

4. Motivation

Having good emotional intelligence results in self-motivation. Often, this results in the person seeking internal rewards rather than needing external validation or encouragement to do something. Emotionally intelligent people tend to be committed and tenacious once they decide to do something. They are also motivated to continually try to find better ways of doing things. 

5. Social skills

Good social skills are founded in emotional intelligence. They enable you to understand others better in order to build meaningful and lasting relationships with others. Examples of social skills are persuasion, active listening, and verbal and non-verbal communication. 

Emotional Intelligence Developed in Childhood

For each of us, the foundation of our emotional intelligence is formed in childhood.  Relationship Wellness Expert, Paula Quinsee, points out that, “It is here that we learn to express ourselves and to manage our emotions.  Our abilities to deal with conflict and diversity, our development of flexibility and adaptability, resilience, personal boundaries and communication skills are all rooted in childhood. And so much of that learning was not conscious, because as children we modelled ourselves on our primary caregivers and mimicked their behaviour.”

The environment we are exposed to shapes our coping mechanisms and emotional habits. These early experiences influence whether we form healthy or unhealthy relational patterns later in life. However, while childhood experiences shape our emotional blueprint, they do not determine our future. Emotional intelligence can be strengthened through conscious effort and practice. 

What Causes Low Emotional Intelligence?

Low emotional intelligence (low EQ) is often a result of a combination of factors. For example, childhood environment (upbringing), trauma and stress, mental health and neurological conditions, culture and social factors. Characteristics of low EQ include lack of empathy, poor emotional control, defensiveness and blame-shifting.

What Are the Signs of Low EQ?

Key signs of low emotional intelligence include battling to identify and manage your own emotions and being unable to understand how others feel. People with a low EQ often battle to communicate effectively and often experience misunderstandings. They tend to blame others and not accept responsibility for their actions, and battle to collaborate or work well within a team. Having a low EQ can also make it difficult to manage stress, which impacts performance and well-being. 

Why Emotional Intelligence is Important for Success?

One of the signs of low EQ is poor communication. This often results in strained relationships and frequent conflict. The reason is that communication is a crucial component of being able to share ideas, coordinate actions and build relationships. Consequently, how well we communicate determines both our personal and professional success. 

Emotional intelligence in everyday life strengthens self-awareness and social awareness, enabling constructive communication. The result is stronger relationships, improved leadership ability and greater workplace effectiveness. 

Quinsee asserts that “Ninety percent of problems experienced in relationships are due to a lack of communication. This is either what is not being said for fear of reaction, or it’s about what’s not being heard.  We usually listen to respond instead of to really hear where the other person is coming from. Communication creates connection, and when we feel connected to someone, there is also an experience of trust and collaboration.” 

Can Emotional Intelligence Be Improved?

It is possible to develop and improve your emotional intelligence. What you need to do is make a conscious decision and a continuous commitment to practice strategies that improve EQ. Then, over time, you will see an improvement in self-awareness and empathy, become better at self-regulation, be more motivated and exercise enhanced social skills.  

How to Improve Emotional Intelligence

Here are practical emotional habits that you can work on to improve your emotional intelligence across each of the five EQ components. 

Develop Self-awareness

There are four ways that you can improve emotional self-awareness: 

1. Practice self-reflection through journaling.
2. Ask trusted family and friends for honest feedback.
3. Identify emotional triggers.
4. Cultivate mindfulness by practising deep breathing techniques 

Improve Empathy and Social Awareness

Being empathetic requires you to focus on how someone else actually feels rather than how you think they’re feeling. Key strategies for developing better empathy and social awareness include: 

1. Use active listening techniques – focus fully, don’t interrupt and reflect back before answering. 
2. Learn to read non-verbal cues such as body language, tone and facial expressions. 
3. In a conversation, try to be curious rather than judgmental. 
4. Ask open-ended questions. 
5. Get feedback on how others perceive you from people you trust. 
6. Read diverse fiction to help you understand complex emotions and experiences. 

Improve Emotional Regulationand Self-Control

Emotional regulation shapes your decision-making, reactions and well-being. It’s influenced by genetic, environmental and mental health factors but can be improved with practice.

5 Techniques for Improving Self-Control and Behavioural Regulation

1. Identify and name your feelings. 
2. Recognise triggering situations, people and physical states. 
3. Pause and think about responding before reacting. 
4. Set personal boundaries. 
5. Commit to small, achievable goals. 

How to Improve Communication and Social Skills

Effective communication skills are key to improving your social skills. Communication can be verbal or non-verbal, and it is linked to empathy and social awareness. 

Improve verbal communication by:

• Thinking before you speak. 
• Monitor your tone and phrasing. 
• Be clear and concise in how you say things. 

Improve your non-verbal communication by:

• Learning about body language basics. 
• Becoming aware of and refining your own facial expressions.
• Using positive cues such as nodding and smiling when chatting to others. 

Building Emotional Intelligence for Long-Term Growth

Developing emotional intelligence is an integral part of long term personal and professional growth. It’s a way of improving your well-being and augmenting your life-experiences. By being able to regulate your emotions better, you can bolster your resilience and stress management. Emotional intelligence skills development has the advantage of improving work performance and thereby can advance your career. Having great emotional intelligence will also make you a better and more effective leader.  

Understanding how your upbringing shaped your emotional responses empowers you to shift reactive patterns and build more conscious, mature relationships. 

How our formative years shape who we are is just one of the many fascinating topics explored in psychology. If this has sparked your interest in studying psychology or building a career in the field, contact a SACAP admissions officer to explore your study options. SACAP offers a range of accredited courses that are designed to enable students to balance their academic goals with work and personal commitments.