Bullying in Schools: What Parents and Children Need to Know

Bullying in schools is an increasingly big issue that more and more South African school children are dealing with. The majority of bullying is learner-on-learner. Statistics show that annually, more than 3.2 million learners are victims of bullying. Sadly, the majority do not report bullying, and instead, many avoid going to school or even drop out. However, bullying is a preventable problem. Parents who better understand bullying can more easily identify if someone is bullying their child and can assist them. Schools are integral in how to combat bullying. This can be done through school anti-bullying policies and actively fostering a positive, supportive and respectful learning environment. 

What Counts as Bullying in South African Schools

Bullying at school happens through words and/or actions which target a specific person or group with the intention to cause them harm. Bullying is unwanted and aggressive behaviour. Within a school context, bullying is an abuse of actual or perceived power that specifically targets a learner(s). There are four main types of bullying in schools: verbal bullying, physical bullying, social bullying (also known as relational bullying) and cyberbullying. 

4 Examples of Bullying at School:

1. Verbal Bullying: Name-calling, spreading rumours, humiliating, tormenting, constant criticism, inappropriate and insulting comments. 
2. Physical Bullying: Hitting, kicking, pushing, spitting, pinching, tripping, threatening gestures, stealing or damaging belongings. 
3. Social (Relational) Bullying: Intentional exclusion, reputational damage through rumour spreading, public embarrassment, and telling learners how to interact with another learner.  
4. Cyberbullying: Inappropriate, mean, threatening messages on social media and messaging services (email, text…), posting embarrassing photos/videos/content without consent, or excluding someone from online discussions. 

Why Bullying Happens

Gail Dore, a family counsellor, tackles this complex subject in her book Bully-Proof: A Practical Guide for Parents, Teachers and South African Schools. She says, “I think one can safely accept that children who bully others suffer from a very deep-seated sense of inadequacy and need an enormous amount of external validation by way of compensation”. 

According to Dore, bullies tend to gravitate toward acquiring an elevated status among their peers and crave the power that comes with that status. “Establishing themselves as the ‘top dog’ or ‘queen bee’ invariably means ruthlessly bullying others into submission and creating a power base from which to operate.”

Why do Children Bully Others?

• Individual Factors: Insecurity, low self-esteem, difficulty processing or regulating emotions, lack of empathy, inadequate social skills and/or coping mechanisms. 
• Environmental Factors: Neglect, abuse, highly authoritative home environments, victim of bullying and/or exposure to bullying. 
• Social Factors: Seeking attention or social status, exposure to aggressive content (gaming, media…), or a highly competitive environment. School culture that doesn’t value respect, school culture that lacks repercussions and/or doesn’t address bullying adequately. 

Dore notes that children from chaotic backgrounds don’t always become bullies. Many factors interact, including temperament, family relationships and community norms. Children who stand out because of physical differences, specific talents or low confidence may attract the attention of bullies, but any child can be targeted depending on the situation and the reaction they give. 

Signs a Child May Be Bullied or Bullying Others

According to Dore, bullying behaviour has very obvious (when you know what to look for) characteristics that clearly differentiate it from normal peer conflict. “If we are to drastically reduce the incidents of bullying in our schools, nip it in the bud so to speak, it’s vital that teachers, parents and, particularly, the children themselves, know and understand exactly what bullying is and what action is needed to put a stop to it. 

It’s important to contextualise potential early warning signs of bullying. This is because signs of bullying might instead be related to something else that unsettles a child. However, as bullying can have serious lifelong consequences, it’s important to communicate and discover what is going on so as to know how best to support your child. 

3 Signs a Child is Being Bullied

• Physical: Unexplained injuries, bruises, cuts, bite marks and scratches, stomach aches, headaches, mysterious illnesses on school mornings, torn clothing, changes in sleeping and/or eating habits. 
• Emotional and Behavioural Changes: Elevated anxiety, nervousness, fear, irritability, mood swings, or anger. Loss of self-esteem, confidence, withdrawing socially or purposefully isolating. Increased secrecy, especially in relation to online activities and interactions. 
• School Issues: Not wanting to attend school, wanting to leave school early or avoid specific activities. Drop in academic performance, unexplained loss or damage of possessions, requesting or stealing money/food/items. Avoiding areas of school/neighbourhood and/or transport routes or means. 

3 Signs that a Child is Bullying Others

• Physical: Unexplained injuries, aggressive (verbal and/or physical) behaviour with peers, damaged or missing belongings or unexplained new possessions, money or “treats”. 
• Emotional and Behavioural Changes: Bossy, manipulative, seeking to constantly be in control, downplaying aggressive responses. Blaming others and/or difficulty of inability to accept responsibility, and increasingly anxious about social status/popularity/how others perceive them. Secretive, lying and/or evasive when asked for information. 
• School Issues: friendships with other bullies, increased aggressive verbal or physical reactions (fights). Frequent punishments, being sent to the principal’s office. Being highly competitive. Opting for aggressive and violent media (gaming, reading, movies…) or toys. 

Dore adds that the audience’s reaction matters. If onlookers laugh or stay silent, bullying escalates. If peers show disapproval, bullying often stops immediately. 

The Bystander Effect and How Peers Can Help

Children who witness bullying are impacted through their role as a bystander. They’re often upset by the situation and caught in a moral dilemma. Should they intervene and risk becoming a target themselves? Should they side with the bully so as not to be seen as a ‘goody-two-shoes’? Should they report it and risk being labelled a snitch? These, and many more questions, tend to run through the minds of onlookers and often result in a kind of ‘analysis paralysis’. The result is that they end up doing nothing at all. The bigger the group of onlookers, the more likely they are to fall prey to the so-called ‘bystander effect’. This is because everyone in the group is waiting for someone else to step forward and intervene.” 

However, Dore insists that children who are non-intervening bystanders should be held every bit as culpable as a bully. Notably, this can only happen where an active school anti-bullying policy is in place. One that guarantees each reported incident is investigated and taken seriously, while protecting informers.  

7 Ways Learners Can Help Prevent Bullying

1. Intervene where it’s safe to do so. 
2. Don’t participate. 
3. Speak out about bullying.
4. Help keep bullies and their targets separate. 
5. Report incidents (threats or actual). 
6. Support victims by listening to them, including them in activities, and verbally encouraging them. 
7. Actively promote and be an example of showing kindness, respect and inclusion. 

What is the Bystander Effect in Bullying?

Onlookers, therefore, wield considerable power in the perpetuation of bullying, claims Dore. “This is where a shift in the culture of a school – from one which was conducive to bullying to one where mutual respect is a dominating value – has the most effect. Where the majority of the children are against it, bullying is less likely to occur and is quickly stopped if it does.” 

How Schools Should Prevent and Respond

There are a number of good reasons why victims of bullying don’t report bullying. The primary reason why bullying isn’t reported is that the adult cannot be trusted to handle the situation. In such cases, victims feel that a badly managed complaint could lead to an escalation and/or retaliation. The threat, ‘Tell anyone about this and just see what I’ll do to you,’ whether spoken or unspoken, is ever-present. 

Furthermore, because bullying is most often a spectator sport, it results in public humiliation and denigration for the victim. This makes them feel responsible for being abused. It also makes it more difficult to tell someone, as they then would be “reliving” their humiliation and highlighting their perceived weakness. Instead, depending on a targeted child’s nature and personality, he or she will either internalise the trauma, become withdrawn, anxious and depressed, or externalise it by becoming aggressive, angry, argumentative or defiant.” 

What Schools Can Do to Prevent Bullying

Schools need to have an anti-bullying policy in place that they consistently apply with well-known and enacted consequences to help prevent bullying. It needs to protect informants, take reports seriously and investigate them with feedback to the student body. Support needs to be extended to victims, and there should be intervention strategies in place to assist bullies, too.  

Anti-bullying campaigns need to be run frequently. Anti-bullying campaigns must include educating around bullying and what to do about it. It should also outline how learner suggestions to help counter bullying, their concerns and reports of bullying are handled.  

Finally, the teachers and principals need to foster a positive learning environment where learners feel appreciated, respected and supported. According to the Human Science Research Council (HSRC) findings,  fostering a positive and encouraging learning environment is one of the key ways to help prevent and combat school bullying. 

5 Strategies to Combat Bullying in Schools

1. Continuously and repeatedly clearly state that bullying in any form is unacceptable. 
2. Include anti-bullying in the school code of conduct and policies. 
3. Promote a culture of care, respect, and safety. 
4. Strengthen communication between staff, parents, and learners. 
5. Provide easy, confidential ways to report bullying and share concerns with feedback mechanisms. 

Where to Learn More

School counsellors can play an important part in helping to support victims, bystanders and perpetrators of bullying. They can also be an integral part of ensuring that a school’s anti-bullying policy is fairly and consistently enacted. As well as fostering a caring, supportive and respectful learning environment.  

Are you passionate about working with learners and helping them to thrive within their school environment? Would you like to be part of creating school environments which nurture happy and flourishing learners, equipped with valuable life skills? If so, then find out more about pursuing a career in counselling by studying at SACAP. 

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